You're Always You
by goldenegg31
Summary: "You're always you, and that don't change, and you're always changing, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book Daemon AU. When Loki's daemon finally settles, he doesn't quite know what to say.


A/N: This came about after I had a conversation with surprisedbylife (who is also my amazing beta) and squireofgeekdom on Tumblr (I'm goldenegg31 there too) about what daemons the Avengers would have and what people might do if they were unhappy with their daemon. We decided that Asgardians should have daemons that are the same gender as the person. Therefore, Loki, who is biologically a frost giant, is the only character who doesn't have a daemon who is the same gender as himself. Obviously, I don't own either the Thor/Avengers characters or any HDM stuff.

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Loki was quite surprised one morning when the usually-prompt Fandral and his daemon Freyr (a peacock today, a showy form which was not out of the ordinary for the young man) arrived at weapons training almost a half-hour late. However, he had no time to wonder about why Fandral was late, as he and his daemon Sigyn, currently a wolf, were fighting Hogun.

Luckily, the momentary lack of attention didn't cost him, since Hogun and his Doberman daemon Brand were equally distracted. Unfortunately, the fight only lasted for another minute. Hogun managed to hit Loki hard enough that the smaller boy fell over, which wasn't unusual. Loki was quicker than all of his friends, but wasn't even stronger than Sif. Discouraged, Loki trudged off to the side of the ring to watch Thor and Tyr, his raptor daemon, fight Volstagg and his massive brown bear Ketill.

After Thor defeated Volstagg, Sif and her lioness daemon Skadi beat Fandral and Freyr in a surprisingly quick fight, so the training session ended early. This gave the others plenty of time to question Fandral about his odd arrival time and it wasn't hard to convince him to explain. In fact, he was bursting to tell them the news.

"Guess what happened this morning," the young man said eagerly, Freyr puffing out his chest in excitement.

"Isn't it obvious?" whispered Sigyn from his shoulder, who had shifted into a Siamese cat, which was her usual choice of species when the two wished to hold private conversations in public. Most Asgardians didn't mind conversing with their daemons where they could be overheard, but Loki and Sigyn were different.

Raising an eyebrow at his friends' confusion, Loki said rather snidely, "apparently not." Unfortunately, Volstagg overheard and demanded to know what was so obvious.

"That Freyr settled," Loki said.

"Did he really?" Thor asked, turning around to examine the daemon in question. Tyr briefly rose into the air to get a better look.

"This morning," Fandral said, beaming, as Freyr fluffed his feathers, pleased with the attention. "How did you know, Loki?" he added somewhat mournfully, as he had looked forward to announcing the news dramatically once his friends had been stumped.

"When you were fighting Sif, Freyr didn't change forms. Usually, he shifts to bigger animals, since lionesses are so large, but he stayed as a peacock even though he obviously wasn't used to fighting in that form." In truth, he was a bit glum, as all of his friends' daemons' had settled now and Sigyn seemed no closer to doing so.

"What's wrong with us?" Fandral asked, his voice going squeaky with indignation.

"Nothing! I just meant that he wasn't used to fighting in that form and there had to be a reason you did so badly today."

"At least he's not a girl! Maybe you should be learning to sew instead of fight!" Fandral replied, stung.

Loki glared. "Sigyn could beat Freyr any day of the week."

"By changing into small animals that other daemons can't catch like a coward!" said Fandral. Sigyn hissed at the insult, jumped down from Loki's shoulder, and became a tiger.

"This is supposed to be a happy day for Fandral, why are you trying to ruin it?" Thor cast a disappointed look at his younger brother.

Loki was about to reply angrily when he felt Sigyn's head nudge his leg. He took the hint and stormed off instead, mumbling to her that he was only saying what everybody knew anyway.

As he left, he heard Sif say to Fandral, "Don't mind Loki, he's just being a petulant" - a word they'd learned in class the week before – "child. Sigyn hasn't settled yet, not like us adults." She didn't even bother to keep her voice down. Loki walked quicker.

After they'd turned around the corner and the others could no longer see him, Sigyn changed back into a small cat again, although a fluffier one than before. Loki snuggled her. Most daemons of noble Asgardian children their age didn't change into small animals anymore, instead choosing to mimic their parents' daemons' forms, which were generally large. But Loki liked the feeling of being able to hold Sigyn in his arms. Nevertheless, when he heard someone coming as he neared the entrance to the palace, Sigyn jumped down from his arms and became a tiger again. It wouldn't do to let someone see a prince of Asgard cuddling his daemon like a baby.

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The coolness between Loki and Fandral lingered for only a few days, but Loki began to long for Sigyn to settle. He wasn't yet at an age where it was odd to have an unsettled daemon, but he still felt out of place among the others. It was bad enough being one of the few people in Asgard who didn't have a daemon who was the same gender as himself and it had started to be embarrassing when Sigyn changed. He knew he acted more maturely than the others (_he_ hadn't been involved in the mud fight the week before), so why was he still a child?

Nothing changed for a few months and Loki himself didn't even notice at first when it did. It was one of those rare days when he didn't have training and was free to spend most of the day reading about esoteric spells. He did notice that Sigyn was behaving a bit oddly. Instead of looking over his shoulder at what he was reading, she was looking through a different book, in the form of a medium-sized reddish cat. While it was difficult for them to concentrate on two separate books, Loki and Sigyn had found that if they skimmed the books, it was possible. So, when Sigyn had curled up at the foot of one of his bookshelves, Loki had grabbed a slightly less complicated book than the one on the five principal exceptions to Snorri's law of elemental transfiguration that he had originally planned to read. He was vaguely aware that she was reading something about animals, maybe in preparation for the hunt in a few weeks, but he didn't pay much attention.

Engrossed in their books, the pair almost didn't notice the servant Frigga had sent to remind them about the tea they'd planned to have. Loki didn't think it odd that Sigyn stayed in the same form, since she had been changing less often since Freyr had settled.

His mother was well, and not upset at Loki's late arrival. After exchanging pleasantries, they sat down to their tea. While they talked, his mother's swan daemon Aldis went to smooth down Sigyn's fur with her beak, an old habit of hers from when the children were little. Normally, despite protests that she was getting too old to be babied that way, Sigyn tolerated Aldis' attentions. However, today she seemed testy, moving out of Aldis' immediate reach. Frigga looked down at the daemons. "Is everything alright, Loki?"

Loki's gaze drifted towards Sigyn. Her behavior had been a bit odd earlier, but nothing too out of the ordinary. He shrugged, "I'm fine, Mother."

Aldis flew over to where Sigyn had sat down, her posture making it clear that she wouldn't let the younger daemon run off again. Frigga spoke a little more firmly than before, "Loki." Loki repeated himself, a little annoyed now. His mother knew he wasn't the sort of person who liked to talk about his feelings. Besides, he wasn't even lying this time; he was fine.

Frigga opened her mouth again and a flash of irritation shot through Loki. But before his mother could speak, her daemon cut her off, making Loki's mouth drop open. People's daemons seldom just interrupted them, and his mother was self-possessed enough that Aldis did so even more rarely than most people. "It's not Loki," she said quietly, looking down at Sigyn.

Loki crouched down, worried. He couldn't ever remember Sigyn hiding something from him. He thought about asking for a bit of privacy, just for a moment, but he didn't speak up quickly enough and Aldis' next sentence drove everything else out of his mind.

"Sigyn," Aldis said gently, "have you settled?" Sigyn nodded mutely.

Loki stared at Aldis and then at Sigyn. It took a couple of seconds for him to find his voice. "That's, you're going to stay as…that's _us_?" She nodded. He spoke again without thinking. "But you're so _small_." She wasn't really that little, but there was no denying that she was on the smaller side for an Asgardian noble's daemon. Images of his friends teasing him filled his head.

She spoke so quietly he could barely hear her. "I'm sorry."

He felt abashed; she had probably been thinking about people's responses all day and without any comfort. He quickly picked her up, and, although he would never admit it, was glad that he could still do so. "No, I was being an idiot. It's not your fault. It's mine, since I'm so…" he trailed off. It wasn't that he disliked himself, far from it, but there was no denying that he wasn't exactly normal and would never be an ideal Asgardian.

Aldis leaned forward to preen Sigyn. "I think you look beautiful, dear. What sort of cat are you?"

Sigyn lifted her head and jumped from Loki's arms to the arm of his chair, arching her back to show off her new and final form. She had long legs, but a short tail. Her coat was a uniform reddish color, except on her ears, which were black and had small tufts at the top. "A caracal. It's a kind of wildcat. It said in the book I was looking at that they're…we're really fast and can take down prey that's three times bigger than us."

Frigga smiled. "That sounds exactly like you, Loki."

He was secretly gratified, but rolled his eyes. "That is the point, Mother." She tousled his hair. "Mother! I'm an adult now! Don't do that!"

She smiled. "Well, I'd better go and tell the cooks to prepare a feast in honor of my adult son."

"No!" He spoke even before his thoughts had fully formed.

"No? But this is something to celebrate," his mother said, looking worried. "You're not unhappy? Sweetheart, you know we love you whatever your daem-"

"No, it's not that," Loki reassured her. "It's just that she is a bit smaller than most people's," which would be good for sneaking around, he realized happily, "so we've got to practice fighting before we tell anybody. Just give me a few days?"

"Very well. Do you want to tell your father, at least?"

Loki considered it. He knew that his father would be pleased that Sigyn had settled at last and he would like to tell Odin about how caracals were apparently very good predators, but wouldn't it be better to show him? He didn't want his father to think he was lying to make something small and sneaky sound better….He glanced down at Sigyn, who nipped gently at his hand. "Can we wait?" "He stepped closer to her and hugged her lightly around the waist, careful not to muss her gown." "It'll be our secret, just for a bit." He looked up at her, widening his eyes very slightly.

"Very well, dear. But we'll throw a great feast for you when you're ready to tell everyone, alright?"

He grinned. "Of course, Mother."

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It was several days before Loki and Sigyn felt ready to show off her new form. They'd skipped their formal training for a few days in order to practice on their own, but this wasn't out of the ordinary, since Loki sometimes got distracted by learning some exciting new spell. In truth, he thought this wasn't quite enough practice, but he didn't want anyone to realize what had happened. Even he could only hide in his room for so long without people becoming suspicious. Nonetheless, they were pleased with what they'd done and excited at the possibility of beating Thor.

He wasn't surprised when the training master called him into the ring to fight his brother right away. The training master might not be the sort of man who'd track down an absent pupil, but he _was _the sort of man who'd punish a boy for skipping training by putting him in a fight where he'd get a thorough pounding. Normally, Loki hated fighting Thor, since he so rarely won, but the training master couldn't know that Loki had been looking forward to this fight for days. Hopefully, a victory would assuage the training master's displeasure with Loki, who had no desire to have a teacher mad at him.

He looked nervously down at Sigyn as they stepped into the ring and she smiled confidently back at him. Thor raised his eyebrows at Sigyn's form, Tyr circling lazily around his head. "Bit small isn't she, brother? I want a challenge."

Loki hid his anger with difficulty, but winced as Sigyn's fur bristled a little. He doubted Thor noticed, but he did like to appear unperturbed when someone insulted him. He bent down to pet her. "We're fine, thanks."

Thor shrugged and adjusted his stance. "Suit yourself."

The training master stepped forward. "Alright, I want a nice clean fight, both of you. Ready?" Thor answered affirmatively; Loki merely nodded, too nervous to do anything else. "Begin!"

Immediately, Thor rushed at Loki, who stepped aside, having expected this (just because Thor was a better fighter didn't mean Loki was terrible nor an idiot). At the same time, Tyr swooped down on Sigyn. But before he could even get a foot lower, Sigyn jumped five feet up and batted him with her paws. She wasn't strong enough to force him onto the ground with one hit, but Tyr was so surprised that he wasn't able to recover and Sigyn landed another hit. Thor stumbled backwards, from surprise as much as hurt, and Loki pressed his advantage, using his sword to push Thor's blade aside. Thor stumbled again as Tyr tumbled to the ground and Sigyn placed a paw on his chest. Loki moved his sword an inch away from Thor's throat.

Thor looked up at him, wide-eyed. Loki had beaten him before, but never so quickly. Even Thor rarely ended a fight so fast.

"Do you yield?" Loki was proud of the way his voice betrayed none of his triumph.

"I yield." Sigyn moved off of Tyr, who took flight at once, as high as his bond with Thor allowed.

Loki moved his sword away and reached out a hand to help his brother up. As he stood, Thor said, "What type of a cat _is _that?"

Sigyn leapt into Loki's arms. "She's a caracal."

"A what?"

"A caracal. It's a kind of wildcat."

The others had come into the ring by now and Ketill sniffed Sigyn. "What book did you find that in?" Volstagg asked, looking impressed.

"Just a reference book. We looked up what caracals could do after Sigyn told me this morning that she wasn't going to be changing anymore," Loki announced nonchalantly.

"She's settled? Congratulations!" Thor had gone from looking a bit disgruntled at the outcome of the fight to excited in the blink of an eye. He reached out to tousle Loki's hair (why did his family keep doing that?) and Loki moved so that Thor ended up patting his neck. "But you'll always be my baby brother."

"Shut up."

Thor grinned. "Kidding, kidding. This is really great, Loki. You two fight really well together, not like Fandral and Freyr did." The others added their congratulations as well, except for Fandral, who said, "hey!" and punched Thor's arm.

"If we might continue training?" Their training master stepped forward. "Congratulations on settling, Prince Loki." Loki smiled. He continued, "Since you missed training yesterday, I'm sure you won't mind staying after to discuss how you can best take advantage of Sigyn's new form."

Normally, the prospect of more training would be the last thing that would have excited Loki, but not today. Today, he was a man. And he'd won, hadn't he? He'd done it. Surely that would make Father pleased with him. He'd pat Loki on the back and say how proud he was of him. The euphoria from his mighty victory would wear off soon (in about two minutes when Thor laughed at him for puffing out his chest while daydreaming), but for the rest of the day, Loki got a little happy feeling in his chest whenever he looked down at the caracal by his side.

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All the info on caracals comes from wiki and arkive (.org).

Loki's daemon Sigyn is a caracal.

Thor's daemon Tyr is a whistling kite (a type of Australian raptor).

Frigga's daemon Aldis is a mute swan.

Sif's daemon Skadi is a lioness.

Volstagg's daemon Ketill is a brown bear.

Fandral's daemon Freyr is a peacock.

Hogun's daemon Brand is a doberman.


End file.
